I have this AMAZING therapist named Dr. Greenwald who I jokingly call my dad. He’s like the best father you could have but without any nagging and any judgement. Here are 10 important lessons I’ve learned from him in the 30 years I’ve been speaking to him (once a week).
1. Sometimes you need to push yourself and socialize. Being a hardcore introvert, it’s hard for me to engage in a social setting. One on one I’m good but put me in a crowd of 3+ and I seize up. I get emotionally drained at social events and I don’t feel worthy of someone’s attention. Sam and I have this close friendship with a married couple who are both doctors and I get nervous around them because I feel like they’ve accomplished so much that I feel unworthy. But then I remember I’ve accomplished a lot too and it makes me feel better. Socializing is so important, though, because it scientifically makes you happier. I always come away from meeting them with new life hacks or tips and a happy feeling because I got over my nervousness.
2. It’s ok to have only a few close friends. I have three best girlfriends (and I’m talking only three girlfriends total) that I feel super close with. Their names are Jay, Grace and Kat. These are my ride-or-die gf’s who I’ve known for 10, 20 and 40 years. You don’t have to feel validation by having a lot of friends. In fact, I like the saying: A woman who doesn’t need validation is the most feared person on the planet.
3. Remember how far you’ve come. When you are feeling down on yourself, look back to your accomplishments. The shit you went through, the depressive states you crawled your way out from. The companies you built from scratch. For me that’s my old art and culture blog My Modern Met and my current company Skylar Yoo. They’re like my babies.
4. It’s ok to give your kids mental health days. Sam and I give our two boys one mental health day a quarter. If they’re feeing overwhelmed they can take a day off school to reset. Being bipolar, I know what being overwhelmed and depressed feels like so I want my kids to grow up feeling like they can take a break and then come back stronger.
5. You can be fashionable at any weight. I used to be a size 6 in high school and then after I got on bipolar meds, my hunger kicked in and I gained 100 lbs. Yes, 100. Now I’m 230. I used to only wear black leggings and a loose shirt but then after speaking to Dr. G he said you can be fashionable at any size. I was like, you’re right~ So now I’m a size 14 and I’m embracing being an XL. Mind you, I’m on my GLP-1 and trying to size down now so let’s see how that journey goes.
6. It’s ok to grieve. When my dog recently died at 15 years old (he was eaten by a coyote), it shattered my heart. I put my hands over my face and cried uncontrollably. My sons were shocked because they had never seen me cry so hard. He was my first baby. Before I went to the hospital to have Parker, I made sure to pack a picture of Fozzy so I could see him in the delivery room. I said to him, “Things will be different now, but you’ll always be my first baby.” It was only now that I can feel joy again. I hope to get a new puppy soon to fill our house with love again. Dr. G said that it’s totally understandable that I would go through so much pain and that I should feel the feelings and not suppress them.
7. Forgive yourself. There’s been a slew of mistakes I’ve made in my marriage and as a parent but I’ve learned that I need to let go of the guilt and move on. We need to treat ourselves like we would our best friend, being kind and compassionate, only wishing the best for us.
8. Don’t try to guess what other people are thinking. You can think all you want about what other people think about you but you’ll never know and what good does it do to dwell upon it?
9. You are worthy just because you were born. You don’t have to look for the approval of others to make you feel worthy. What about the fact that just because you are born and living on this earth that you are worthy?
10. You are not your mental illness. My mother committed suicide when I was 20 years old. She also had bipolar disorder. I was afraid of ending up like my mother. Dr. G said you absolutely will not end up like her because you have a completely different life than her. You have a loving husband and two wonderful kids. You lead a happy life.
So, thank you, Dr. G, for giving me these priceless pieces of advice. I don’t know what I’d do without you. I truly believe you were God-sent.
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